Friday, October 9, 2009

Of Sunsets, Signs and Cockroaches

Sunset from the top of my shop building.
Nice one.
I have to fix a few thing around the shop.
And I am not talking about jewellery.
My sign was one.
Taken off, and a major grill mission, believe me.....
Rotten wood and all.

I had made it out of resin and plastic and wood.
And so here I am re-resin-ing and re painting the letters.
In fact, I have been doing this the whole week long.
I figured it would only last about two years in this hostile environment here at the coast.
So I got 4 and a half years out of it. Not bad.
But the wood is all rotten and soft, so it was a real nausea to take off.
I hate the feel of rotten wood.
It's like if you walking in the woods and you stand on a log and your foot goes right through it .
And you foot hits mush, and all creepies crawl out.
Cockroaches and earwigs.

Believe me, I have kept spiders and scorpions and snakes for pets all my life.
Ok, maybe not snakes anymore, because Anne is shit scared of them.
But for me to catch and pickup a snake is no problem. Or a scorpion, or a spider.

But cockroaches just do me in.
I hate the 'snap' sound they make when you stand on them.
So I don't anymore.
There is not one fracking cockroach in my workshop.
I layed down a Napalm Radioactive Layer of poison down when I moved in and that solved all problems.
But we still get these big 3 inch ones that fly in at night.
They actually outside ones but if they inside, they'll park off no problem.
They always solitary, and they real eeeuuw stuff.
I put a disposable cup over them and then and then I slide a sheet of paper under the cup.
Then I rain a death rain of poison on them from a spray can.
And I throw all of it in the rubbish bin.
Then I wash my hands. Twice.

I read somewhere that banana peals drive cockroaches away.
I think it was in one of those house hold tips in a house-wife's-corner in the local newspaper.
I can just imagine a house full of banana peels.
You'll need rugby boots to walk down the passage.
All the cockroaches are gone but every fruit fly in the neighbourhood is having a party.
Something to do with the gas that rotting fruit releases.
The gas attracts fruit flies, I believe.
And fruit flies just love rotting bananas, because there is that saying from my friend James Clark that goes:
"Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana".
I mean, fruit flies are far better than cockroaches but they can still piss me off because they get into my wine glass.
What do you do when you see two fruit flies in your wine?
Obviously pissed?
Do you dip your finger in and scoop them out and drink the wine? When no-one's looking.
Or do you throw the wine away, and pour a new glass?
And if it is expensive wine?
Or your last glass of wine on a Sunday night?

Reminds me of a story, all this insect stuff

We were sitting in Monte-Mart tea shop in Kudu Arcade in Pretoria in the late seventies.

One of the hotties, called Laetitia, ordered a salad and when all the food arrived at our table, everyone tucked in.
Halfway through, Laetitia SHRIEKS at the top of her voice.
She was a dramatic chick.
Anyway, there in her salad, is half a cockroach.
The front half.
And the legs are still waving around.
Begging forgiveness.

So Rob, the owner, hears this commotion and he comes to the front.
Tries to calm Laetitia.
"Look!" she shrieks, "It's still alive!"
"Well" Rob says, "at least you know it's fresh"

We fell about laughing, but Laetitia was not amused at all, I'm afraid.

Sigh-- women can be so hard to please sometimes......
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