Tuesday, March 30, 2010

The Story of Mr Spessartite the Big Cheese

The other day as I was opening my workshop, I heard a tremendous commotion inside, screaming and running and then a volley of gunshots.
Then complete and utter silence,
I carefully looked around the corner, but everything seemed normal, except that my rough gem box was not in the same place that I had left it.
Oh dear this was not a good thing at all.
I gingerly approached it and my worst fears were confirmed.
All the stones in it, the rough tourmaline, the rough aquamarine , the garnets were all lying dead still.
All of them.
That someone had violated them and then stolen all their inclusions, was obvious.
And the very worst of a was that 'Fraidy Cat, Em the Gem and Am Bam were involved.
As victims.
Oh dearie me, this was going to be a tough Monday.
I carefully checked the apartment box where all my rough lived to see if I could find the perpetrator.
Someone had to know something.
Somewhere there just had to be a clue.
Then, just as I was closing the apartment box, out of the corner of my eye, I caught a flicker of orange.
Just the slightest movement, but it was enough.
In one swift and practised movement I reached for my 6 inch stainless steel tweezers.
I just barged into the apartment where I had seen the movement .
No knocking, no pretty words or nice language, No siree.
And there he was, the evil perpetrator.
After a brief and violent struggle I disarmed him and I had him under my control.
Mr Spessartite the Big Cheese himself.

The big cheese of the rough box apartment.
"Dude you are in big, big trouble, You ain't talking your way out of this one
You coming with me straight to the weighing precinct."
I read him his Miranda rights and hauled his sorry orange ass to the precinct, where I weighed him, took his mug shot, and turfed him in the interrogation room.
Well well well, it soon became apparent where all the stolen inclusions were.
Right in the middle of him

I decided there and then that I was going to fast track his justice.
No long drawn out OJ Simpson type trial.
It would be the guillotine for him!
Well, ok not the actual guillotine because that's not fashionable anymore.
Rather the diamond saw....... straight down the middle.
His punishment would be severe, but hopefully I would be able to rehabilitate him afterwards.

With a venomous hiss the saw started up and slowly Mr Spessartite the Big Cheese was lowered onto it.
Look, I'll say this much for him...he was no coward.
Not a scream, not even a whimper.
Just tough, GI Joe silence as the punishment was meted out.
After the deed was done, he lay there in two eye clean pieces, his ill gotten inclusions totally destroyed.

Fortunately for Mr Spessartite the Big Cheese, I am a forgiving and benevolent gem cutter.
I wish the best for my flock. I believe in healing.
And the only way I was going to make Mr Spessartite whole again was to add to him that most noble of metals Gold!
As the saying goes "as good as gold" so would gold make Mr. Spessartite the Big Cheese whole again.
Ready to undo the harm he did.
To make 'Fraidy Cat and Em the Gem and Am Bam whole again.
To give freely, without measure to those most in need.

And it was done!
Only the finest 18kt gold was used with that magic Hxtal resin.
For five whole days the healing process continued.

Finally I called the king of kings, the great Lord Imahashi to help me transform Mr Spessartite the Big Cheese into some thing you could let loose with your sister, and have her come home with her virtue intact.

And verily, did Lord Imahashi guide me, and helped me craft Mr Spessartite the Big Cheese into some one with style and class.
Both He and I were mightily pleased.
A job well done we both said, winking at each other.

But alas, it was not to be....
That night I put him back into his box.
And the next morning, when I came to work there was carnage.
It was patently obvious the The Lord Imahashi and my own confidence in our work was seriously wrong.
Mr. Spessertite the Big Cheese had had his way with all the stones of the gentler sex.
Not only that but he had beat upon all the men folk in my rough box.
They all were cowering in one corner.
What to do?

After much consultation, 'Fraidy Cat suggested that I call on her family, because there were a whole bunch of police men from the diamond family...hard as nails, she said.
She said they had a R.I of 2.44 which was the one of the highest R.I's in the gem world.
R.I means Radical Intransigence, in my world.

So I did.
I put 8 Radical Enforcers (diamonds) into Mr. Spessartite the Big Cheese's gold collar.
And now there is peace in the apartment box.
Every morning when I come into my work shop, there he is, as sweet as maple syrup.
And he is even thinking of running for office.
I agree.
He was a liar, a cheat, a thug and a thief.
All the perfect credentials for a politician.
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